Do you remember yesteryear when mom and/or dad ran the household? When parents didn't have to outsource just to have somebody clean their own home? When a home-cooked meal didn't come from Boston Market? When fixing that trick basement step didn't require thumbing through the phonebook? What happened to these people? I'll tell you what happened: Modernism!
In this current era, I'm finding out that more and more Gen X'ers either don't have, or are losing the skills, that kept families afloat and in tact for generations past. Skills like cooking, handiness, cleaning, green thumbs, and Mr. Fix-Its just to name a few. Of course there are a few of us 20-40 year-olds who still have traces of these physical virtues, but by and large we as a generation pale in comparison to what our parents and grands were able to do. These things ought not be.
I completely understand that in this post-modern era the image of the "traditional family" is quickly fading. We are living in an era where a family now can consist of, more commonly, single parents, grandparents as parents, aunts/uncles as parents, and even "non-traditional" parents. But I'm not here ranting about what a family should consist of. I'm cracking down on the disappearing skills that folks used to have to run a self-containing family. In my berating, I will single out women AND men (including myself) who, for one reason or another, are not even displaying an interest in acquiring these timeless traits.
Women!
Yeah, you. You know who I'm talking to! Now, I know better than to pigeonhole women into certain roles or functions (my momma taught me better than that). But what I've noticed is that there's an ebbing non-chalantness to learning or sharpening traditional skills. Before I say cooking and have women give me an e-tongue lashing, I already know that cooking is non-gendered. And even for the women who can't turn on an oven have been lucky enough to find a husband who doesn't mind wearing the apron. This situation balances just fine. But I'm leaning on the women who don't even have an interest in being creative in the kitchen. Instead of packing lunches replete with love notes for their children, we've been reduced to paying for school lunches to provide for our children. Instead of the "sit-down dinner" on a weeknight, we settle for Boston Market or Popeye's in front of the T.V. ( I suppose that you have read the reports on the importance of a sit-down family meal, without the T.V., so I won't go into that tangent). Part of the problem, as I have seen, is that the matriarchs (or patriarchs) of the family haven't trained the younger children on the necessary skills for "burning." We grew up well into our 20's just expecting a hot meal at family gatherings, without the tutelage on how it gets done. So we missed all that formal training in our formative years. This is where Baby Boomers share the blame. Cleaning is also non-gendered, but I always thought of it as kind of odd that in some couples, the husband is tidier than the wife. (Exceptions include raising infants and toddlers). Again, the inference is not the accomplishment of household chores, but the general lack of interest. But what's worst is hiring out. To me, it becomes a shame to pay somebody else and clean up the clutter that we "don't have time" to do ourselves. Chores, I admit, are a joint effort. But when either spouse shows no initiative in tackling them, or out-sources the solution, then laziness is set in.
Men!
Where are your toolbelts? Do you even know what a mitre saw does? Do you know how to change your own oil? (I, ashamedly, don't). Husbands and fathers are quickly losing those precious skills that kept our families safe for ages. They never hired anybody to come and clean their gutters. They simply got their ladders from the shed and did it themselves. I think that I was flabbergasted when this guy I knew, (perfectly healthy and strong), hired people to manicure his lawn every 2 weeks. Now given, his yard was pretty big (no more than an acre) but, ...come on!! This is what "elbow grease" is all about. I mean, I know with a career oriented husband/father, cutting the grass is (gasp...) a chore! But that's what character is all about. Making time for things we don't want to do. Yes, carving out 3-4 hours on a Saturday for hard, manual labor is bothersome, but convenience is the gateway drug for full blown slothfulness. What I've noticed is that men (including myself) have traded a 2x4 knowledge for technology. Instead of building a book case for our wife, we know how to build website. Instead of fixing that leak in the guest bathroom, we know how to synchronize our cell phones to our computers so that we won't miss any emails. ...SMH... And the reason why cooking and cleaning were usually left to the women is because we were so busy with fixing, repairing, renovations, and other custodial duties. But now look at us! Most of us don't know the first thing about building an addition to the house without calling a contractor. Baby boomers also share in this blame. Our patriarchs barely made the time to show us how electrical-work works, or explained to us the many different pieces in a tool set. Instead of handi-men, we've become IT-men. These things ought not be.
Please know that I include myself in these finger-waggings. Convenience is really doing a number on us all. But as much as I'm ignorant in "household maintenance" skills, I refuse to be complacent. When it comes to a handi-project, I will try my hand at it first. When it comes to home cooked meals, I will turn on the oven. When it comes to cleaning, I will do my part (even laundry.) When it comes to my lawn, no matter how persistent the youth are on my block, I will not pay them to do it. Even though I rarely have time to stretch, I will make time to cut the grass myself. I'm finding out that character is built in the little things. My wife and I used to not have a dishwasher (go figure) after years of having one; and boy did that teach me character. (It also taught me that dishes can stink!)
But I challenge all of the Gen Xers who are reading this: Don't let comfort, convenience, lack of proper training, lack of interest turn our generation into a bunch of oafs! (See the movie Wall-E)
If you don't know, put your pride down and ask a living legend to show you hos its done. We MUST keep these skills alive, and then pass it down to our children.
Repeat after me:
1) I will not use Fast-food as a substitute for home cooked meals. (Exception should be fast food less than 3 times a week)
2) I will not pay somebody to cut my lawn. (Exception is larger than 2 acres WITH physical disabilities)
3) I will not call the plumber for minor jobs such as "snaking out" the toilet.
4) I will not pay for Maria to come once a week and tidy up my place. (Again, exception includes families with infants or multiple toddlers)
I know that if you're like me, you'll need to take baby steps toward these efforts, but at least your progressing. But please folks, let's keep alive these traditional skills that keep our families healthy, wealthy, but most of all strong!
Be well!
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